spotless

its officially january 15th, the middle of the month. the first 15 days of the year are done and gone. some crazy shit's already gone down. but its cool cuz i know its always darkest before dawn. (i need to keep reminding myself that) i just finished watching eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. i love this movie. you either like it or ya dont. heres the plot if youre at all interested: a couple undergo a procedure to erase each other from their memories when their relationship turns sour, but it is only through the process of loss that they discover what they had to begin with. its just so original. its those indie type dig down deep for the meaning type love stories. i like movies like that. it makes you think. watch it and you be the judge.

anyhoo, i cant sleep. i dunno. maybe its this time of night. im such a night owl. i cant help it, i've always been. i couldnt sleep early to save my life. besides i kinda like how quiet it gets, like you feel youre the only person awake in the world while everyone else is snoozing away in lala land. i guess it just gives me time to think about thangs, people, life. sometimes i think of how i let myself become vulnerable. and how it felt unexpected but nice. i've managed to keep my guard up for so long and for the longest time i was proud of it because that meant i would never get hurt. but now that the chips are down i feel more human i guess. not that i was a robot or anything, i mean i have feelings and stuff. but i dunno. i just take them for what theyre worth. it is what it is. ok im just babbling now. i guess its true that things happen for a reason & im still trying to figure out those reasons. i mean to say im not taking things personal cuz i've gotta go and work some more. im content for now. dont know what to expect which can be scary or fun. in the meantime, i'll stay comforted w/the fact that i've found the silver lining in all of this. aniwais, when "shuffle" decides to play this song i mos def feel more human, i just listen to it for the fuck of it.


i know i'll snap myself out of it. i just gotta keep reminding myself to put first things first. wow i just realized how much "touchy feely" shtuff i wrote. so unlike me. fuck i guess i was feelin it. (i blame it on clem & joely) ok babies good morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night.