octo day

morning's here. early morning. i wanted to start this day off w/a blog. i'll finish it later. lets see what today will bring. im gonna try something. we'll see how it goes.

ok im back. im waitin for entourage to come on. but today was a good day. well as good as can be expected. & i dont expect much, i take what i can get. but the roomies were way more tolerable today. nice actually. i mean we aint besties or nothing, they arent my cuppa tea but for the most part they are ok, i'll stretch that to a selective nice (thats means theyre nice when they wanna be). i think im just excited at the fact that its almost over. ok so today i was waiting in the room with one of my roommates for review to start. btw my code name for the roommie is "ya, ok." it's "ya, ok" cuz the first time i ever spoke to her on the phone all she said was "ya, ok" to everything i asked. like even if it wasnt a yes or no question. hahaha. i would be like, "oh so when do you plan to get there?" & she said, "ya, ok." soooooooo i was with her, & she turns to me & says, "you know, you remind me of one my best friends back home." & you know "home" doesnt mean her home in stockton w/her husband where she currently lives. but it's "home" as in the philippines, filipinasssss. aniwais, i turned to her & said, "what?? aww do i?" feeling all flattered but at the same time i was like where's the catch? there has to be a catch here. that was too easy. so she said, "ya you do!!" i said, "awww really?" she then said, "oh ya, she's really smart like you (ok starting off w/the compliment, sounds fishy), you know she has to write haaut everything, writing, writing writes everything, very smart girl. i notice you like to write a lot just like her." i said smiling thinking things were looking up & we're actually friends, "oh ya, i take a lot of notes. it helps me remember." she then went in for the kill saying, "oh you know, but i think she's bigger than you" (first having to look at me up & down to make sure that her friend was in fact "bigger" then me). then i was like, there it is. oh helll no. bitch say whaaa??? but there it muthafuckin is. hahahaha. it seemed too easy somehow. she couldnt leave well enough alone. i think that fobby filipinos are experts in backhanded compliments. like its an art or something. the tone, the delivery, the attitude. like they dont know better so you cant really fault them. its just innate. like in my head i was like, "yes thank you for pointing out the biggest insecurity i have. go ahead & be judgemental i really welcome it." you would think my skin is thick enough to take that shit since i;ve been taking it all my life. like if i had a penny for every, "ohh, youre so pretty, only if you were _______, you would that much more prettier." i would be rich. but i dont think anyone gets immune to that. i'll be honest it stings. not as much as before since my self confidence is way better but it hits a little sore spot everytime. maybe thats why im so annoyed with them. i jus have an aversion to strangers judgin me & pointing out my insecurities. but who likes that? shit we're strangers you dont the right to be sayin things like that to me. its like hello bitch i can hear you & understand you. but i just realized that people do that to make them feel better. like bitches putting people down so that they'll feel they have power & feed their ego. i dunno mang. i just hate that. im really into the golden rule: treat others the way you'd wanna be treated bullshit. cuz its so powerful. you cant be all punky & expect to be treat all good & everythang. what goes around comes around. but ya, girls are bitches. & i know im a girl. but we could be bitchy. but not me though or my friends or sisters. everyone else though. i say that cuz the only people here genuinely nice to me are the guys. ya, theyre not catty or have staring problems or dont shun me if i dont speak fob. they converse w/me in english, they carry on a conversation & are more pleasant to talk to. you know decent human behavior. wow i just looked at what i wrote & i poured my friggin heart out. i just needed to vent & reflect. i wanna remember this and think of how i got through it. & how i dont wanna be to like these people. & how im happy i did this. & how im getting used to bein independent. & how im ready to pass this test. & how im a stronger person now. & how i can do anything i put my mind to. & how much hard work i put into this week. & how i've been up before 7 every morning for almost 10 days? BUT most importantly how i thought i was goin to san francisco but somehow ended up in the philippines. hahaha. i have 2 more days. & i think they will be the sweetest :) i hope you enjoy my ponderings & ramblings about life. congratulations if you got this far then that means you werent a lazy ass & actually had the discipline to read this or its 2 weeks or more after & you were bored and had nothing else to read and you were saving this for when you were facebooked/twittered/youtubed out. ya i know wassup. but congrats though. if i saw this long ass blog on someone else's page i wouldve been see yaaaaa that shits too long, no pictures? damn ima have to read this now. i would only make the effort if it seemed super interesting or if it was a blog of a boy i liked. you know what i mean something exciting. but its my 8th installment you have to read. fuck im ramblin again. im done now. gn.

ps. im listening to my ipod right now & i was changin the song cuz i was in the mood to listening to a cute song, you know a feel good song & one of my faves came on, EVERLONG the acoustic version. the one i downloaded w/caps saying (BEST VERSION!!... ONLY GOOD ACOUSTIC ONE THERE IS) i feel good now.

pps. i left you some pictures cuz my blogs have been so naked lately.

the artistic interpretation of me: