0.25

ok so today is my 25th bday. hell fuckin ya.
i promised myself not to get all emo about turning a quarter century old. every other person turning 25 seemed to be ridin the emo bug. but i dunno its not like im turning 30. im still young & feel like my life is jus bout to start like REALLY start. soooooo i decided as a way to CELEBRATE my 25 years, i would compile this random collection of thangs about myself. some may be dumb & useless but all theyre all true & unique to yours truly.

"allow myself to introduce....myself."

1.) i have the hugest hatred/aversion to KETCHUP.
dont ask why i just do. (oh & yes i've tried it)
2.) my celebrity crushes are ryan reynolds & james franco.
3.) i used to play the piano when i was in elementary school; i wish i still did.
4.) i really want to get another tattoo.
i dont know of what or where quite yet but something good.
5.) i love the smell after you've freshly lit a match.
6.) right now in this present time, if i wasnt a RN (registered nurse)
i would be probably have gone into interior design. but who knows? i still dream.
7.) i am a self diagnosed insomniac.
i could stay up all hours of the night no problem. im crazy like that.
i guess i always have things/people on my mind. ya ummhmm.
8.) my nickname my family gave me when i was younger was numsi (noom-see)
its from the movie, "the golden child"
if you're as old school as me you've seen it and know what im talkin bout.
9.) im a hard core rapper mc. but only in my car when im by myself or when carol catches me.
10.) there was a point in time (ie high school) i would only wear blue or gray contacts.
11.) i know FRIENDS the series inside & out. quote lines w/carol all the damn time. i dont care, i LOVE that show.
12.) my drug of choice is caffeine but i abuse crushes.
13.) you know im really buzzzzzzed when i start tearing up, i dont know why?
14.) i love a really good bargain:
im always hittin up garage sales, thrift stores and swap meets.
15.) ima really good painter but i wish i was a talented artist.
16.) i like to bake; my speciality is cupcakes :)
17.) thursday is my most favoritist day.
18.) if i could be anywhere right now, i'd wish i was on the shores of THAILAND.
19.) pho is probably my numba 1 comfort food right now.
20.) i kinda like the whole arm tattoo thing on guys.
21.) i have a really mean widow's peak.
i used to hate it a LOT & was thisclose to shaving it off but i didnt.
22.) i loooove cereal. probably the only good thing about the morning. even tho i could eat it for lunch & dinner.
23.) i used to hate how my bday was in summer & @ the very end of august because everyone would forget about it
24.) my summer 09 song is BEST I EVER HAD.
know all the words by heart. ya i said it.
25.) i wear my heart on my sleeve, you just cant see it most of the time.

& one mo for the road: you know goodluck for next year...
26.) i have everything you could ever ask for, except the one thing i really want.

victoryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

i passed my muthafuckn boards!! i am now officially an registered nurse!! oh em geeeeee. i have no words. im just very very grateful. arent u proud? the letters RN never looked so good. now its time for a mental vacay which is so well deserved...

i was kinda thinkin somethin like this mas o menos...

this was me....then

m.issing i.n a.ction

ok so im baaaaaack. kinda. i cant fully let loose til i know fo sho fo sho, but im confident. its like a confidence i've never felt before. i know right. determination mang. thats the name of the game. if you want something bad enough you gotsta do whatever it takes to get it. which is what i did: goin outta town, rooming w/strangers, flyin by myself, basically being totally & utterly focused you know the whole nine. i've been mia for a good month now. & i was gettin used to it. i gotta lil taste of the fun life this weekend. it was so weird to be out again. it felt soooooo GOOD. cuz you dont even understand, i totally shut myself from the world to focus. which was not easy to do but it felt right somehow. being totally detached from everything really forces you to get shit done. i'll be a lil honest tho, i had a mini breakdown right in the middle of it. i was kinda in tears for a bit cuz everything just felt so intense. i regrouped & got it together though. but this void will be filled soon & i promise not just w/alcohol. moderation will be practiced especially since a special day is comin up ;) in the meantime, im so anxious but im tryna be cool. patience baby. good things come to those who wait. i missed you world. hoped you missed me too.

half crazy

my minds gone half crazyyyyyy. & not in the cute way musiq's talkin about. the study grind is on & i have to be serious. so im takin a break. like i should. ima lay off the blog for now. cuz you guys know how i like to blog. i write a lot of shit. but that's mainly cuz i like to write A LOT. but also im goin on hiatus cuz bloggin takes forever & a day. i know i make it look EZ. & let me tell you it's NOT. ima somewhat perfectionist & it takes awhile to format & edit & re-edit & cut & paste & upload & type & think of what to type. like this blog looks easypeezy but not so my friends. so i need to cease this in order to maximize my time. someone once told me, "it's not about the time you have but what you do in that little time that counts." i really liked that quote. so now it's time to put up or shut up. ta ta for now. but i'll leave w/some parting words.....

wish me luck.....

rtb

rock the bells that is. i really really wanted to go but first comes first. there's always next year. i know i should really stop bloggin BUT i had to show this. i was doing some craigslisting for the free stuff & came across this. all i have to say psychooooooo.




he should've really just put "stalker friendless loser who couldnt pay anyone to go w/him to rtb, enticing you w/"free" ticket, no strings attached but wait you need a car to pick up my ass up. oh but dont worry im cool & only 24." i mean how stable is this person he can't even write this ad sober having to emphasize that he's going to a bar & already drunk. hahaha. people these daze. shit i really wanna go but i aint that hard up. now if your thing is meeting complete strangers & trusting that they wont do anything to you, have at it. but you're just askin for it. rock the bells sounds dope but "free" isnt always free. its just funny i had to show you. who does this????? crazy people thats who. the crazier person answers this ad. alls i gotta say is give slum village my love. they tight.

wonderful. wonderland.

another movie i cant wait to watch. 2010 baby we have time. i still wanna watch 500 days....

“One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. Which road do I take? she asked. Where do you want to go? was his response. I don't know, Alice answered. Then, said the cat, it doesn't matter.” - Lewis Carroll

the miseducation of ms hill

"ms. hill got skills, that's a gift, it's real, get ill, what you spit got the power to uplift a hill" -talib kweli

so anotha facebook note inspired post. this was the first note i posted cuz it was fun to do; like i had to think hard but a fun kinda thinking. i know you know what i mean. her cd is the one cd i could listen to hours on end w/o having to skip a number. i did that when i first got this cd til now. one of top 10 fav albums of all time. i love l boogie even though she's all crazy now.

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 10 people you like and include me (presuming I'm someone you like). You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think!

Repost as "My life according to l boogie"

Are you a male or female:
baller's lady

Describe yourself:
lost ones

How do you feel:
cant take my eyes off of you

Describe where you currently live:
every city, every ghetto

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
to zion

Your favorite form of transportation:
that thing (doo wop)

Your best friend?
the sweetest thing

You and your best friends are:
superstar

What's the weather like:
when it hurts so bad

Favorite time of day:
final hour

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
all my time

What is life to you:
if i ruled the world

Your relationship:
nothing even matters

Your fear:
ex-factor

What is the best advice you have to give:
forgive them father

Thought for the Day:
turn your lights down low

How I would like to die:
killing me softly

My soul's present condition:
retrospect for life

My motto:
everything is everything

kapowski kush

i always hearted kelly. i wanted to be her cuz she got together with zack. but while i was sitting @ the airport gate PATIENTLY waiting for my flight, i turned to the seats & there was the PEOPLE magazine of SBTB renunion on the cover all glowing on a seat. it was all by its lonesome w/no one claiming this treasure. i turned to the left, then turned to the right & ya w/o thinking twice i snatched it up!!!



the best one....literally laughed my ass off...or lmao. (i hate using that btw)


but the only thing i could say bout this is GENIUS.

Tiffani Thiessen is Busy from Tiffani Thiessen

dimepiece

THAT WHAT DONT KILL US, WILL ONLY MAKE ME STRONGER

when people ask me how was frisco? how was it?....it could be summed up in one word: INTENSE


i found a lucky dime on the floor this morning. i knew then today was gonna be a good day.

yesss today is finally here. im so happy. more like relieved. this was probably one of the most intense experiences i've ever had. it felt like it took an eternity to get to this finish line but now that its here it feels like i just blinked from the moment i arrived. ok so for those reading this, i realized i've been ambiguous as to why i came to frisco. if it wasnt obvious the main reason i journeyed up north was to attend this nursing review which is supposed to be the BE ALL & END ALL of nursing reviews. my moms is convinced that doin this review will be the missing link i needed to finally pass this test. i really didnt want to spend all the dough to come up here which is why i was sooooo resistant to the idea. but push definitely turned to shove & i had to suck it up & think about my future bullshit & take one for the team. the team meaning my famlay. i didnt wanna feel like a failure no more which lead me to the south city. from start to end it's been crazy & new. my first real time going anywhere on my own. making me own way in a new city. adapting & adjusting & tolerating new people & having enough patience to live with them. disciplining myself into establishing a routine of waking up early & being alert & paying attention for 8 hours straight for the span of 10 consecutive days. even though i had to put up w/very different personalities & the intensity of the rigorous schedule, i have to admit that i actually loved this experience. it made me a way stronger person. i mean i knew i had it in me, but when you are forced into a certain situation it brings out a side you never knew existed. i kinda loved being on my own & thinking for only myself; not having to worry about anything else just me & what i needed to get done. like i had to answer to myself. the biggest downside to that was it kinda got lonely. the roommate situation was somewhat unpleasant but for the most part i will always remember those bitches oh i mean girls. fo real, they made me stronger in more ways than one. through them, i know what i never want to be & that people are still narrow minded but that insecure people always put down & that ignorance is not always bliss. i love em; love to hate them. hahaha. aniwais, i met some really chill & cooler people though! of course on the very last days. i decided to let my fob guard down & befriend people who looked welcoming. i did & the pay off was so sweet. i saw this guy from class eating dinner by himself & went to say hi because its kinda sad to see people eating by themselves; like i did for every night. haha. but we became friends & also another girl & in them i found allies as well as people i could vent to about my roommates. i told them how inconsiderate my roomies were & they totally sympathized w/me & said "we felt so sorry for you sitting in the back with them." right??? but they were goodd people, in the middle of our conversation, i stopped & said, "omg this feels so good to converse with people who are non-judgemental, courteous & speaking the same language!" it was nice. i wish everyone well on this test. we worked our asses off. oh i'll also miss the bellhop dude i made friends with cuz i was always down in the lobby on the phone or reading trying to avoid my roommates. hahahaha. but aniwais, the returning flight on southwest sucked balls compared to jet blue. but i didnt care cuz that meant i was going home. flyin solo is such an experience, i like it. it kinda seems like, "ya im cool enough to travel on my own" type feel. which i sooo am. but to end this, i was ecstatic when i came home. it was surreal. i wasnt gone long but everything felt so new to me as if i hadnt seen it in forever. i wanted to kiss the floor when i got home. i met up the welcoming committee @ pinkberry cuz i was craving yogurt & i was all smiles. im hoping the next time i fly it will be for pleasure. although i could kinda see myself living up there if i had the opportunity, there's no place like HOME. even though i was greeted home with the smell of bonfire cuz there was a really big brush fire near my house...

oh & my view on my flight back since southwest is so ghetto with no tvs. HA.

day numba 9

phew its the second to the last day!!! yay for me. it was the longest stretch. i have this overwhelming feeling of relief. you cant buy this stuff. it just feels good. i cant wait to go home. even though, going home means that i have to haul ass and stay focused. im like on this studyin high & i need to sustain it, keep that cypher rollin. i know its gonnna mean extreme discipline, dedication & determination. i always say these things but to be honest i have yet to fully follow through until now. i can half-ass this no more. i have such a good opportunity & i cant let it pass me by. ok ima finish packing for my flight home :) i feel like kogi truck tacos. on a way more positive note, i finally hooked up wit some cool people here. i was so defensive towards everyone i didnt even wanna give anymore snobby fobs a chance. but these people are my age and really chill & not to mention very considerate. like we already exchanged numbers and planned to meet up in la. oh ya theyre from LA oh but the other chick is from the OC. potAto (long A), potato (short A). ya i had to do that. i really wanted to meet up & bar hop wit cooler people in frisco but my roommates were being nosy & really flaky oh & they wanted to come along with me, inviting themselves along too. shaaaa right! you swear im gonna spend fun time wit all y'all haters. aniwais, even though im ready to go home to the so cal heat, im gettin used to it up here. i mean how im on my own, for the most part. like i could kinda do whatever i want in this little radius surrounding the hotel. haha. i dunno, i definitely learned a lot. i guess about myself & how i have tolerance for some things but ignorance is not one of them. but ya oh im in the computer room of the hotel & there's 2 computer stations. im on one typing away and im using a really nosy keyboard (which i like btw, like i like the sound when you're typing really really fast when youre chatting) but i think this guy next to me is really annoyed cuz im typing away all fast and he keep grunting but not in a mean way but an i wonder what the hell she's saying way. ok i think ima go back a chill with some real cool people after my stoge. he gave me his key and everything so i wouldnt have to knock. now i know what you're thinking, & it aint like that. he's the guy you could stay up hours talkin to.....about gossip. know what i mean??? haha. ok tomorrow is the last day. im stoked. its the culmination of everything i've worked so hard for these last 10 days.

octo day

morning's here. early morning. i wanted to start this day off w/a blog. i'll finish it later. lets see what today will bring. im gonna try something. we'll see how it goes.

ok im back. im waitin for entourage to come on. but today was a good day. well as good as can be expected. & i dont expect much, i take what i can get. but the roomies were way more tolerable today. nice actually. i mean we aint besties or nothing, they arent my cuppa tea but for the most part they are ok, i'll stretch that to a selective nice (thats means theyre nice when they wanna be). i think im just excited at the fact that its almost over. ok so today i was waiting in the room with one of my roommates for review to start. btw my code name for the roommie is "ya, ok." it's "ya, ok" cuz the first time i ever spoke to her on the phone all she said was "ya, ok" to everything i asked. like even if it wasnt a yes or no question. hahaha. i would be like, "oh so when do you plan to get there?" & she said, "ya, ok." soooooooo i was with her, & she turns to me & says, "you know, you remind me of one my best friends back home." & you know "home" doesnt mean her home in stockton w/her husband where she currently lives. but it's "home" as in the philippines, filipinasssss. aniwais, i turned to her & said, "what?? aww do i?" feeling all flattered but at the same time i was like where's the catch? there has to be a catch here. that was too easy. so she said, "ya you do!!" i said, "awww really?" she then said, "oh ya, she's really smart like you (ok starting off w/the compliment, sounds fishy), you know she has to write haaut everything, writing, writing writes everything, very smart girl. i notice you like to write a lot just like her." i said smiling thinking things were looking up & we're actually friends, "oh ya, i take a lot of notes. it helps me remember." she then went in for the kill saying, "oh you know, but i think she's bigger than you" (first having to look at me up & down to make sure that her friend was in fact "bigger" then me). then i was like, there it is. oh helll no. bitch say whaaa??? but there it muthafuckin is. hahahaha. it seemed too easy somehow. she couldnt leave well enough alone. i think that fobby filipinos are experts in backhanded compliments. like its an art or something. the tone, the delivery, the attitude. like they dont know better so you cant really fault them. its just innate. like in my head i was like, "yes thank you for pointing out the biggest insecurity i have. go ahead & be judgemental i really welcome it." you would think my skin is thick enough to take that shit since i;ve been taking it all my life. like if i had a penny for every, "ohh, youre so pretty, only if you were _______, you would that much more prettier." i would be rich. but i dont think anyone gets immune to that. i'll be honest it stings. not as much as before since my self confidence is way better but it hits a little sore spot everytime. maybe thats why im so annoyed with them. i jus have an aversion to strangers judgin me & pointing out my insecurities. but who likes that? shit we're strangers you dont the right to be sayin things like that to me. its like hello bitch i can hear you & understand you. but i just realized that people do that to make them feel better. like bitches putting people down so that they'll feel they have power & feed their ego. i dunno mang. i just hate that. im really into the golden rule: treat others the way you'd wanna be treated bullshit. cuz its so powerful. you cant be all punky & expect to be treat all good & everythang. what goes around comes around. but ya, girls are bitches. & i know im a girl. but we could be bitchy. but not me though or my friends or sisters. everyone else though. i say that cuz the only people here genuinely nice to me are the guys. ya, theyre not catty or have staring problems or dont shun me if i dont speak fob. they converse w/me in english, they carry on a conversation & are more pleasant to talk to. you know decent human behavior. wow i just looked at what i wrote & i poured my friggin heart out. i just needed to vent & reflect. i wanna remember this and think of how i got through it. & how i dont wanna be to like these people. & how im happy i did this. & how im getting used to bein independent. & how im ready to pass this test. & how im a stronger person now. & how i can do anything i put my mind to. & how much hard work i put into this week. & how i've been up before 7 every morning for almost 10 days? BUT most importantly how i thought i was goin to san francisco but somehow ended up in the philippines. hahaha. i have 2 more days. & i think they will be the sweetest :) i hope you enjoy my ponderings & ramblings about life. congratulations if you got this far then that means you werent a lazy ass & actually had the discipline to read this or its 2 weeks or more after & you were bored and had nothing else to read and you were saving this for when you were facebooked/twittered/youtubed out. ya i know wassup. but congrats though. if i saw this long ass blog on someone else's page i wouldve been see yaaaaa that shits too long, no pictures? damn ima have to read this now. i would only make the effort if it seemed super interesting or if it was a blog of a boy i liked. you know what i mean something exciting. but its my 8th installment you have to read. fuck im ramblin again. im done now. gn.

ps. im listening to my ipod right now & i was changin the song cuz i was in the mood to listening to a cute song, you know a feel good song & one of my faves came on, EVERLONG the acoustic version. the one i downloaded w/caps saying (BEST VERSION!!... ONLY GOOD ACOUSTIC ONE THERE IS) i feel good now.

pps. i left you some pictures cuz my blogs have been so naked lately.

the artistic interpretation of me:

day slevin

was the longest day of my life. yet ironically it was the one day we got off early. we had to start an hour earlier which meant we got off an hour earlier. it was so painful to get up an hour earlier because i sleep hella late here too cuz these fobs are so damn loud i cant concentrate and relax here. but im not here to relax. its all business. aniwais, it was so hard to stay awake today. my sleep deprivation is finally hittin me, like it punched me in the face. my eyelids felt so heavy. i was fighting so hard to stay awake but the idea of sleep was soooo sweet. i think im just exhausted; mentally & physically. my brain is fried. its been non-stop, i feel like there's no more space to fit anything in. like my head is as big as stewie's. & you how huge that kids head in proportion to his body. i dunno anymore today was so draining. if you feel tired from just reading this then take that & multiply that by 100 and youre maybe where im at. i cant even take a nap. aniwais, i tried to do some roommate bonding today. i know im so proud of myself. those bitches. haha. i decided to kill em with kindness & they were murdaaaaared. but the best part was that we were all watching tv & i always control the remote control cuz tv = tfc to them. so since i have the power, i put it on chappelle's show. hahaha. it was the only good thing on. & i was oh shit i wonder how they would react to this. i mean whenever i find something to watch im considerate and try to find something we would all want to watch. but ya, i put it on chappelle's show & waited to see how they would react. it was really only me and the other fob my age who is married. the other 2 oldies were on their phones. aniwais, i was waiting for laughter or a confused look. but i gots laughter!!!!! haha. i didnt know if she actually got it but she laughed. its not hard to get though, you either are cool & laugh or lame & don't. im not giving cool points but definitely some brownie points. im tired & miss el aye......

oh btw its AUGUST!!!!! yay!