someday @ christmas...

...men will be boys

christmas 2009 has officially come to an end. this year was waaaaay better probly one of the best in years. it could pretty much be summed up with famlay & friends & kris kringles & white elephants. i loved it. i already got what i wanted way before christmas so everything else was gravy baby. my presents were dopeness though. best one so far was my disneyland annual pass!!! im sooooo excited for that one. thanks carol & daryll. the day was just delightful. im happier this year than last year, thats fo sho. feel so blessed you dont even know. i look forward to next years already because i know it can only go UP from here. i sound so happy, who am i?? hahaha. such a vast improvement. feliz navidad homies. hope yours was as good as mines.

evvvvvvvvvryday im hustlin.....

except sundaze.

oh em gee. its been so long. too long. i've missed you, more than you'll ever know. but life has been it. i said before it will happen & everythang did. well almost everything. i think we should play ketchup....

first off halloween was cwazy. i love halloween. right up there w/xmas. i was cleo, fafi, & a hippie. dopeness. & a lil distraction is always delightful. whatta man =)

next i finally got hired!! yessir. u heard it right. i seemed to go on 1097648273640 interviews, to jobs that i didnt even really want. but i was desperate; work is work. the silver lining was that i was able to build my confidence & bullshit like that. u really have to market yourself as cheesy as that sounds. fo real. the way you sell yourself: your appearance, your resume, your demeanor, your ability to kiss ass...it all matters. oh & the connections. its not what you know, its who you know. trust. i was lucky enough to get hired onto not only 1 good job but 2 worthy jobs. ima nurse you would think it would be easy, but not so my friends. its hard out there for a pimp & everybody else. i worked hard, stayed positive and thrived on every opportunity i could. & all that hard work manifested for me. all i can is that im so grateful, nothing more. oh maybe a lil more. i love my jobs. i work @ a laser center. laser HAIR removal that is. (thx xtal) my girl hooked it up and now i work w/the best nurses ever. such a different aspect of nursing; i love it. youre not dealing w/sick people. i feel i'll be using my minor in psychology more..... & the other job is @ LAX giving h1n1 vaccine shots. tight right? i'll be working in actual terminals treating employees and travelers. im excited for that one. my schedule is good for now. im the night nurse & i work everyday except sundays. not bad, not bad.

thanksgiving was nice. famlay party hopped. attempted to make pumpkin cheesecake for the first time & it was a hit. no black friday shopping cuz i had trabajo. needless to say but THANKFUL for everythang.

ooooh before i forget i have my own room! yaaaaayuuh. i converted the loft upstairs to my own room. its kinda hard to explain if you dont know my house. upstairs theres a lil loft that we used as the tv room; all but 2 walls. can u even picture this weird description? but if not, i got room dividers and made everything in the space my owns. i looooooove decorating. so its still in the process but im so much more happier now.

as of late, sometimes when im driving in the car by myself i stop & ponder & realize that my life is way better than it was a year ago; maybe even 6 months ago. life is good; it could always be better. but im happy i guess.


i will add pictures soon. ima working girl now so time is precious. ima go wrap gifts and watch home alone now. i'll be bawk. i promise.

BE

i've been so out of it. i feel like shit because the cold that has infiltrated this house has finally got me. its not cute; breathing outta your mouth cuz your nose is so clogged making your lips all chapped (i really hate that). but despite my trivial complaints i had a really good weekend =) like those weekends where you have no expectations whatsoever but end up having "the best fucking times of my entire fucking life" type thing. its like we all never skipped a beat.... so grateful to say the least. i've also been tryin to take life into my own hands and make things happen instead of complaining & waiting, i moved into the loft & im soooooo happy. the one thing i will truly take from this whole situation is that you should never take anything for granted; whether it be people or living space. its the truth. u really dont know what u got til its gone.

ANIWAIS, i havent blogged in a long ass time....i miss you blog. i'll be showin you some more love soon. i cant believe its novemba already. time fucking flies....somehow i thought about my life a year ago. things were different thats fo sho. sorry i couldnt help but. more about that later. but my medication is starting to kick in, ima go knock out now. but yay cuz i get to spend quality time w/my goddaughter lil k & another interview tomorrow....i will get this job. goodnight.

no fuck ups

anotha day, anotha interview.....
this recession is killing me larry! give a sista a break. i've been on a good couple of interviews & i must say im getting progressively better. sharp PROfessional attire; CHECK. strong handshake & eye contact; CHECK. kiss-ass attitude; CHECK. no one is biting. i almost questioned if i was doing something wrong...but i soon figured out the one thing i lack is EXPERIENCE. give me a chance & i'll give you experience. gotta keep my head up & hope i dont fuck this up. in the meantime, i'll dream of how life would be once i get that job.

i get by wit a lil help from my friendsssss

VIRGO DAILY HOROSCOPE FOR OCTOBER 18, 2009:

It's the differences between you and your friends -- not the similarities -- that keep you all close, believe it or not. So embrace and respect the fact that they don't always agree with you! Sure, you may not believe those who hold different views, but you should always believe in your friends! Harmony doesn't happen when all notes are the same; it happens when different notes come together and create a beautiful sound. Love the music you and your friends make.

worddddd. i luv my friends. they are theeee best. =)

haste makes waste

sundaze are still fun daze. on the biggggest side note kids: REJECTION blows but what matters most is how you deal with it. i gotta feeling something GREATER will come my way. i know it will.

"nothing good comes easily, sometimes you've got to fight...."

mister feeeeeeeenster

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
too funny. i loved this show. i even went to a tv taping. this was good huh? i had to show u guys.

saturday, WAIT

ok so im not doin great @ updating. baaaad cindy. i'll try my bestest to keep up. i have to be a responsible adult & tend to grown up biznass thats why. but things have been goin good so far. in fact, i feel real real goood. not to the point where its nauseating good. but im really tryin to stay on that positive tip & let things happen. which is big for me right now. routinely, i would always think twice, second guess & then just settle. which was secretly miserable. but i decided i dont wanna be the reason i feel like crap so i did wat most grown ups do & sucked it up & just let go. let it all go. well most it anyways. .......in saying all this motivational stuff, i had a dope-ass weekend. ya DOPE-ASS. haha. lets see i discovered that hollywood is only a walk (a loooong walk away), a pitcher & smokes always does the trick, thirft store shopping is always fun but halloween thirft store shopping is a mission, mamamamamitas is BOMB, & HIP HOP kareoke is the new thang. it doesnt matter how ghetto a place may seem good company ALWAYS cancels that out. but i had a really good weekend w/my girls.

ok so hip hop kareoke is exactly what you're thinking when i first mentioned HIP HOP kareoke. it was tight!!! all u hiphop heads, if you are looking for a good/chill time then sharpen those MC skills cuz u gotsta bring it if you choose to hit the stage. no joke some nerdy looking lil white dude was all up on a WU-TANG joint & killed it. soooooooo if that doesnt make u come out then i dunno wat will. hahahahahahahaha. just to warn it's kinda in the ghetto meaning its really in the heart of the HIGHLAND park ghetto. good joints & jams, i promise you'll have a good time or at least be entertained. the quote of the night: "im not gonna FLOW or anything," colin. hahaha. they should really give me a cut since im sooooo pluggin this shit. its the every 2nd saturday of each month & i think theyre tryin to change the venue to somewhere? here's the link since im so nice: therhymealong.com

QUOTEWORTHY:
"Be who you are & say what you feel,
because those who mind don't matter &
for those who matter dont mind." Dr. Seuss

all of thee above

wish me luck.

do you speaka any english?

monday mornings are killers. 5am wake up calls physically hurt. ya u read that right, 5AM! i know! it hurts that much more because i dont have the whole get up early & being all chipper enjoying the morning kind of mentality. i cherish my nights. BUT i have my obligations to uphold. so instead of complaining i've turned this unpleasant thing into a very productive outlet and decided to execute my workout regimens in the mornings as well. genius, i know. im tryin to get better @ time management. aniwais, before i rambled, my point is that i've noticed i've been neglecting my blog. no bueno. so now its time for some tlc. some informative/funny shit to detract from all the deep thoughts lately. i cant help it though.

ps. i'll give credit where its due. roldy found this for me, so all props to her. oh & roldy = caROL. haha.

learn sumthin new everyday.

doesnt this remind you of RUSH HOUR, when chris tucker is being an asshole to jackie chan & says: "DO-YOU-UNDERSTAND-THE-WORDS-THAT-ARE-COMING-OUT-OF-MY-MOUTH?"

oh & im tryna stay on that positivo tip so ima try to leave a quote here & there. u know some words to live by:

"just manage your life & challenge it..." -blu

there is always hope

im sittin next to my windowsill. on my side of the bed. its cold. the night sounds peaceful & i love it.

i've been getting a funny feeling lately. not exactly a cute one but a weird one? i cant put my finger on what it is but my gut is telling me that life & all of its idiosyncrasies are unfolding. all these things i've only imagined before are actually starting to manifest & i need to take it all in wholeheartedly. its scary and exciting. i dont wanna fuck it up so im scared. its a waiting game of hits and misses. but the greater the risk the greater the reward. i still cant explain this weird funny feeling tho. its indescribable. but for now i'll stay grateful. for everything. the good & the bad. because i heard em say, people in your life are seasons and everything that happens is for a reason. i truly believe timing is everythang...

in the meantime, banksy says there is always HOPE.

jacked

simply put but harder to follow. i think #10 is a must.

here we are again. 2:50 am. my blog is my only constant @ this time of nite/morning (whichever you prefer). i seem to have a battle with falling asleep these past nights and insomnia is kickin my ass. i cant articulate right now. i have all these things i want to say but i dont want to complain anymore. i hate how i feel when i do. its so unattractive and unpleasant. so instead i will formulate my own list of life lessons:

CINDY'S LIFE LESSONS
1. Treat others the way you want to be treated; the GOLDEN rule always reigns supreme.
2. Don't talk shit; more importantly dont get caught.
3. Get used to getting used. (totally jacked from kanye but sooo true. if you're not useful you're USELESS.)
4. Have consideration for other people; rude people are so fuckin annoying.
5. Believe in yourself; confidence is key.
6. Let it go. let the bad shit go. "bag lady you goin hurt your back, draggin all those bags like that."
7. Mean what you say; real talk is powerful. words hurt more than sticks & stones.
8. Aim high. ambition is sooooooo attractive.
9. Love is inevitable. (ok i stole that one from that chick from the movie Paper Heart. i have yet to experience IT but im a believer).
10. Dont let opportunities pass you by; CARPE DIEM.
11. Try new things; the same routine gets stale.
12. Love wholeheartedly. the half-assed shit gets you no where.
13. Take a chance. you never know.
14. Have no regrets. regrets are killers.
15. Sing out loud. esp @ kareoke bars.
16. Rock your lashes. eyelashes that is. real or fake.
17. Fall 7 times get up 8. shit happens dust yourself off and try again.
18. Be happy. Do what makes you happy. Depression is exhausting.
19. Live in the moment. dont mess it up w/worrying about the past or future. "the present is a gift and i just wanna be."
20. Learn from your mistakes. Dont make the same mistake twice or thrice. "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me."
21. Practice humility. Humble pie is not the best flavor but is the best teacher.
22. Give more than you take. Generosity is contagious; shiestyness is ugly.
23. Surround yourself with positivity. positive people, positive thoughts, positive environment. good vibes = good times.
24. Always laugh out loud.
25. Take pictures. lots and lots of pictures.

kinda got carried away. i could keep going if i wanted to. but 25 for all the years i've been alive =)

summer vs autumn

FINALLY!!!

i thought i was the only person who didnt watch this movie. i was thisclose to watchin it by myself (ya thats how much i've been wanting to watch this). but easily one of my favorite movies this year. i already own the dvd, i just have to buy it when it comes out.


"next time you look back, i think you should look again..."

state of mind

screw that kanye/taylor swift drama, this shoulda been the highlight of the night. although lil mama was drinking some crazy shit & crashed the party at the end. crazy bitch this aint america's best dance crew! BUT jigga man you did it again. on point as always & kept it real. you made me have an empire state of mind;

"concrete jungle where dreams are made of...
those lights will inspire you...."

Jay-Z - New Music - More Music Videos

virgo sistah

carley my love,


happy happy birthday. happy 25th!!
girl, there are not enough words to say how much i miss you. but i wanted to let you know that absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder. not that i dont love you enough. i just wanted to wish you the bestest bestest in life cuz i know you deserve it girl. i still look back @ all of this & cant believe it but i really believe that things happen for inexplicable reasons. one day when we're old & gray we'll laugh about this. hahaha. sometimes i think that youre a phone call away & we could meet up @ the americana ;) but believe me when i say that canada is soooo lucky right now :) mark my words i will make it up there by the end of the year or sometime in winter. i promise. pinky swear. but aniwais, i hope you enjoy your day girl. miss our goodtimes, our talks, our dinners, & of course most of all you. im here if you need anything cuz i know you always got my back. love & miss ya more than you'll ever know my virgo sistah. can u believe we're 25 now? haha. oh how time fliesssss ;)

carla, ms bacon if yur nastyyyyyy

happy bday bacon!!!!
i know this pix is an oldie but a goodie. i kno i look a fool but its a cute candid of you =)
i got cha anytime girl.
i always associated september 1st w/the 1st day of school & always dreaded it, but now its a cause for celebratin your life girl. i kno that sounded soooo corny but i mean it yo. hope you have a great one cuz i know the bday love came early this year & will keep on comin :) luv ya.

let the good times rolllllll

my tipsy ass. nuff said.

celebrations have commenced. i did the disneyland bday thang, got piss ass drunk all while in denial of my bad case of bronchitis. helllllooooo nurse! im such a badass. all the drinkin & smokin just exacerbated my symptoms. my chest hurts from all the coughin but its was all worth it. as dan tells me, "let the good things happen to you." & that i will. im just gonna keep ridin this wave & lettin the good times rolllllllllllllllllllllllll.

0.25

ok so today is my 25th bday. hell fuckin ya.
i promised myself not to get all emo about turning a quarter century old. every other person turning 25 seemed to be ridin the emo bug. but i dunno its not like im turning 30. im still young & feel like my life is jus bout to start like REALLY start. soooooo i decided as a way to CELEBRATE my 25 years, i would compile this random collection of thangs about myself. some may be dumb & useless but all theyre all true & unique to yours truly.

"allow myself to introduce....myself."

1.) i have the hugest hatred/aversion to KETCHUP.
dont ask why i just do. (oh & yes i've tried it)
2.) my celebrity crushes are ryan reynolds & james franco.
3.) i used to play the piano when i was in elementary school; i wish i still did.
4.) i really want to get another tattoo.
i dont know of what or where quite yet but something good.
5.) i love the smell after you've freshly lit a match.
6.) right now in this present time, if i wasnt a RN (registered nurse)
i would be probably have gone into interior design. but who knows? i still dream.
7.) i am a self diagnosed insomniac.
i could stay up all hours of the night no problem. im crazy like that.
i guess i always have things/people on my mind. ya ummhmm.
8.) my nickname my family gave me when i was younger was numsi (noom-see)
its from the movie, "the golden child"
if you're as old school as me you've seen it and know what im talkin bout.
9.) im a hard core rapper mc. but only in my car when im by myself or when carol catches me.
10.) there was a point in time (ie high school) i would only wear blue or gray contacts.
11.) i know FRIENDS the series inside & out. quote lines w/carol all the damn time. i dont care, i LOVE that show.
12.) my drug of choice is caffeine but i abuse crushes.
13.) you know im really buzzzzzzed when i start tearing up, i dont know why?
14.) i love a really good bargain:
im always hittin up garage sales, thrift stores and swap meets.
15.) ima really good painter but i wish i was a talented artist.
16.) i like to bake; my speciality is cupcakes :)
17.) thursday is my most favoritist day.
18.) if i could be anywhere right now, i'd wish i was on the shores of THAILAND.
19.) pho is probably my numba 1 comfort food right now.
20.) i kinda like the whole arm tattoo thing on guys.
21.) i have a really mean widow's peak.
i used to hate it a LOT & was thisclose to shaving it off but i didnt.
22.) i loooove cereal. probably the only good thing about the morning. even tho i could eat it for lunch & dinner.
23.) i used to hate how my bday was in summer & @ the very end of august because everyone would forget about it
24.) my summer 09 song is BEST I EVER HAD.
know all the words by heart. ya i said it.
25.) i wear my heart on my sleeve, you just cant see it most of the time.

& one mo for the road: you know goodluck for next year...
26.) i have everything you could ever ask for, except the one thing i really want.

victoryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

i passed my muthafuckn boards!! i am now officially an registered nurse!! oh em geeeeee. i have no words. im just very very grateful. arent u proud? the letters RN never looked so good. now its time for a mental vacay which is so well deserved...

i was kinda thinkin somethin like this mas o menos...

this was me....then

m.issing i.n a.ction

ok so im baaaaaack. kinda. i cant fully let loose til i know fo sho fo sho, but im confident. its like a confidence i've never felt before. i know right. determination mang. thats the name of the game. if you want something bad enough you gotsta do whatever it takes to get it. which is what i did: goin outta town, rooming w/strangers, flyin by myself, basically being totally & utterly focused you know the whole nine. i've been mia for a good month now. & i was gettin used to it. i gotta lil taste of the fun life this weekend. it was so weird to be out again. it felt soooooo GOOD. cuz you dont even understand, i totally shut myself from the world to focus. which was not easy to do but it felt right somehow. being totally detached from everything really forces you to get shit done. i'll be a lil honest tho, i had a mini breakdown right in the middle of it. i was kinda in tears for a bit cuz everything just felt so intense. i regrouped & got it together though. but this void will be filled soon & i promise not just w/alcohol. moderation will be practiced especially since a special day is comin up ;) in the meantime, im so anxious but im tryna be cool. patience baby. good things come to those who wait. i missed you world. hoped you missed me too.

half crazy

my minds gone half crazyyyyyy. & not in the cute way musiq's talkin about. the study grind is on & i have to be serious. so im takin a break. like i should. ima lay off the blog for now. cuz you guys know how i like to blog. i write a lot of shit. but that's mainly cuz i like to write A LOT. but also im goin on hiatus cuz bloggin takes forever & a day. i know i make it look EZ. & let me tell you it's NOT. ima somewhat perfectionist & it takes awhile to format & edit & re-edit & cut & paste & upload & type & think of what to type. like this blog looks easypeezy but not so my friends. so i need to cease this in order to maximize my time. someone once told me, "it's not about the time you have but what you do in that little time that counts." i really liked that quote. so now it's time to put up or shut up. ta ta for now. but i'll leave w/some parting words.....

wish me luck.....

rtb

rock the bells that is. i really really wanted to go but first comes first. there's always next year. i know i should really stop bloggin BUT i had to show this. i was doing some craigslisting for the free stuff & came across this. all i have to say psychooooooo.




he should've really just put "stalker friendless loser who couldnt pay anyone to go w/him to rtb, enticing you w/"free" ticket, no strings attached but wait you need a car to pick up my ass up. oh but dont worry im cool & only 24." i mean how stable is this person he can't even write this ad sober having to emphasize that he's going to a bar & already drunk. hahaha. people these daze. shit i really wanna go but i aint that hard up. now if your thing is meeting complete strangers & trusting that they wont do anything to you, have at it. but you're just askin for it. rock the bells sounds dope but "free" isnt always free. its just funny i had to show you. who does this????? crazy people thats who. the crazier person answers this ad. alls i gotta say is give slum village my love. they tight.

wonderful. wonderland.

another movie i cant wait to watch. 2010 baby we have time. i still wanna watch 500 days....

“One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. Which road do I take? she asked. Where do you want to go? was his response. I don't know, Alice answered. Then, said the cat, it doesn't matter.” - Lewis Carroll

the miseducation of ms hill

"ms. hill got skills, that's a gift, it's real, get ill, what you spit got the power to uplift a hill" -talib kweli

so anotha facebook note inspired post. this was the first note i posted cuz it was fun to do; like i had to think hard but a fun kinda thinking. i know you know what i mean. her cd is the one cd i could listen to hours on end w/o having to skip a number. i did that when i first got this cd til now. one of top 10 fav albums of all time. i love l boogie even though she's all crazy now.

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 10 people you like and include me (presuming I'm someone you like). You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think!

Repost as "My life according to l boogie"

Are you a male or female:
baller's lady

Describe yourself:
lost ones

How do you feel:
cant take my eyes off of you

Describe where you currently live:
every city, every ghetto

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
to zion

Your favorite form of transportation:
that thing (doo wop)

Your best friend?
the sweetest thing

You and your best friends are:
superstar

What's the weather like:
when it hurts so bad

Favorite time of day:
final hour

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
all my time

What is life to you:
if i ruled the world

Your relationship:
nothing even matters

Your fear:
ex-factor

What is the best advice you have to give:
forgive them father

Thought for the Day:
turn your lights down low

How I would like to die:
killing me softly

My soul's present condition:
retrospect for life

My motto:
everything is everything

kapowski kush

i always hearted kelly. i wanted to be her cuz she got together with zack. but while i was sitting @ the airport gate PATIENTLY waiting for my flight, i turned to the seats & there was the PEOPLE magazine of SBTB renunion on the cover all glowing on a seat. it was all by its lonesome w/no one claiming this treasure. i turned to the left, then turned to the right & ya w/o thinking twice i snatched it up!!!



the best one....literally laughed my ass off...or lmao. (i hate using that btw)


but the only thing i could say bout this is GENIUS.

Tiffani Thiessen is Busy from Tiffani Thiessen

dimepiece

THAT WHAT DONT KILL US, WILL ONLY MAKE ME STRONGER

when people ask me how was frisco? how was it?....it could be summed up in one word: INTENSE


i found a lucky dime on the floor this morning. i knew then today was gonna be a good day.

yesss today is finally here. im so happy. more like relieved. this was probably one of the most intense experiences i've ever had. it felt like it took an eternity to get to this finish line but now that its here it feels like i just blinked from the moment i arrived. ok so for those reading this, i realized i've been ambiguous as to why i came to frisco. if it wasnt obvious the main reason i journeyed up north was to attend this nursing review which is supposed to be the BE ALL & END ALL of nursing reviews. my moms is convinced that doin this review will be the missing link i needed to finally pass this test. i really didnt want to spend all the dough to come up here which is why i was sooooo resistant to the idea. but push definitely turned to shove & i had to suck it up & think about my future bullshit & take one for the team. the team meaning my famlay. i didnt wanna feel like a failure no more which lead me to the south city. from start to end it's been crazy & new. my first real time going anywhere on my own. making me own way in a new city. adapting & adjusting & tolerating new people & having enough patience to live with them. disciplining myself into establishing a routine of waking up early & being alert & paying attention for 8 hours straight for the span of 10 consecutive days. even though i had to put up w/very different personalities & the intensity of the rigorous schedule, i have to admit that i actually loved this experience. it made me a way stronger person. i mean i knew i had it in me, but when you are forced into a certain situation it brings out a side you never knew existed. i kinda loved being on my own & thinking for only myself; not having to worry about anything else just me & what i needed to get done. like i had to answer to myself. the biggest downside to that was it kinda got lonely. the roommate situation was somewhat unpleasant but for the most part i will always remember those bitches oh i mean girls. fo real, they made me stronger in more ways than one. through them, i know what i never want to be & that people are still narrow minded but that insecure people always put down & that ignorance is not always bliss. i love em; love to hate them. hahaha. aniwais, i met some really chill & cooler people though! of course on the very last days. i decided to let my fob guard down & befriend people who looked welcoming. i did & the pay off was so sweet. i saw this guy from class eating dinner by himself & went to say hi because its kinda sad to see people eating by themselves; like i did for every night. haha. but we became friends & also another girl & in them i found allies as well as people i could vent to about my roommates. i told them how inconsiderate my roomies were & they totally sympathized w/me & said "we felt so sorry for you sitting in the back with them." right??? but they were goodd people, in the middle of our conversation, i stopped & said, "omg this feels so good to converse with people who are non-judgemental, courteous & speaking the same language!" it was nice. i wish everyone well on this test. we worked our asses off. oh i'll also miss the bellhop dude i made friends with cuz i was always down in the lobby on the phone or reading trying to avoid my roommates. hahahaha. but aniwais, the returning flight on southwest sucked balls compared to jet blue. but i didnt care cuz that meant i was going home. flyin solo is such an experience, i like it. it kinda seems like, "ya im cool enough to travel on my own" type feel. which i sooo am. but to end this, i was ecstatic when i came home. it was surreal. i wasnt gone long but everything felt so new to me as if i hadnt seen it in forever. i wanted to kiss the floor when i got home. i met up the welcoming committee @ pinkberry cuz i was craving yogurt & i was all smiles. im hoping the next time i fly it will be for pleasure. although i could kinda see myself living up there if i had the opportunity, there's no place like HOME. even though i was greeted home with the smell of bonfire cuz there was a really big brush fire near my house...

oh & my view on my flight back since southwest is so ghetto with no tvs. HA.

day numba 9

phew its the second to the last day!!! yay for me. it was the longest stretch. i have this overwhelming feeling of relief. you cant buy this stuff. it just feels good. i cant wait to go home. even though, going home means that i have to haul ass and stay focused. im like on this studyin high & i need to sustain it, keep that cypher rollin. i know its gonnna mean extreme discipline, dedication & determination. i always say these things but to be honest i have yet to fully follow through until now. i can half-ass this no more. i have such a good opportunity & i cant let it pass me by. ok ima finish packing for my flight home :) i feel like kogi truck tacos. on a way more positive note, i finally hooked up wit some cool people here. i was so defensive towards everyone i didnt even wanna give anymore snobby fobs a chance. but these people are my age and really chill & not to mention very considerate. like we already exchanged numbers and planned to meet up in la. oh ya theyre from LA oh but the other chick is from the OC. potAto (long A), potato (short A). ya i had to do that. i really wanted to meet up & bar hop wit cooler people in frisco but my roommates were being nosy & really flaky oh & they wanted to come along with me, inviting themselves along too. shaaaa right! you swear im gonna spend fun time wit all y'all haters. aniwais, even though im ready to go home to the so cal heat, im gettin used to it up here. i mean how im on my own, for the most part. like i could kinda do whatever i want in this little radius surrounding the hotel. haha. i dunno, i definitely learned a lot. i guess about myself & how i have tolerance for some things but ignorance is not one of them. but ya oh im in the computer room of the hotel & there's 2 computer stations. im on one typing away and im using a really nosy keyboard (which i like btw, like i like the sound when you're typing really really fast when youre chatting) but i think this guy next to me is really annoyed cuz im typing away all fast and he keep grunting but not in a mean way but an i wonder what the hell she's saying way. ok i think ima go back a chill with some real cool people after my stoge. he gave me his key and everything so i wouldnt have to knock. now i know what you're thinking, & it aint like that. he's the guy you could stay up hours talkin to.....about gossip. know what i mean??? haha. ok tomorrow is the last day. im stoked. its the culmination of everything i've worked so hard for these last 10 days.

octo day

morning's here. early morning. i wanted to start this day off w/a blog. i'll finish it later. lets see what today will bring. im gonna try something. we'll see how it goes.

ok im back. im waitin for entourage to come on. but today was a good day. well as good as can be expected. & i dont expect much, i take what i can get. but the roomies were way more tolerable today. nice actually. i mean we aint besties or nothing, they arent my cuppa tea but for the most part they are ok, i'll stretch that to a selective nice (thats means theyre nice when they wanna be). i think im just excited at the fact that its almost over. ok so today i was waiting in the room with one of my roommates for review to start. btw my code name for the roommie is "ya, ok." it's "ya, ok" cuz the first time i ever spoke to her on the phone all she said was "ya, ok" to everything i asked. like even if it wasnt a yes or no question. hahaha. i would be like, "oh so when do you plan to get there?" & she said, "ya, ok." soooooooo i was with her, & she turns to me & says, "you know, you remind me of one my best friends back home." & you know "home" doesnt mean her home in stockton w/her husband where she currently lives. but it's "home" as in the philippines, filipinasssss. aniwais, i turned to her & said, "what?? aww do i?" feeling all flattered but at the same time i was like where's the catch? there has to be a catch here. that was too easy. so she said, "ya you do!!" i said, "awww really?" she then said, "oh ya, she's really smart like you (ok starting off w/the compliment, sounds fishy), you know she has to write haaut everything, writing, writing writes everything, very smart girl. i notice you like to write a lot just like her." i said smiling thinking things were looking up & we're actually friends, "oh ya, i take a lot of notes. it helps me remember." she then went in for the kill saying, "oh you know, but i think she's bigger than you" (first having to look at me up & down to make sure that her friend was in fact "bigger" then me). then i was like, there it is. oh helll no. bitch say whaaa??? but there it muthafuckin is. hahahaha. it seemed too easy somehow. she couldnt leave well enough alone. i think that fobby filipinos are experts in backhanded compliments. like its an art or something. the tone, the delivery, the attitude. like they dont know better so you cant really fault them. its just innate. like in my head i was like, "yes thank you for pointing out the biggest insecurity i have. go ahead & be judgemental i really welcome it." you would think my skin is thick enough to take that shit since i;ve been taking it all my life. like if i had a penny for every, "ohh, youre so pretty, only if you were _______, you would that much more prettier." i would be rich. but i dont think anyone gets immune to that. i'll be honest it stings. not as much as before since my self confidence is way better but it hits a little sore spot everytime. maybe thats why im so annoyed with them. i jus have an aversion to strangers judgin me & pointing out my insecurities. but who likes that? shit we're strangers you dont the right to be sayin things like that to me. its like hello bitch i can hear you & understand you. but i just realized that people do that to make them feel better. like bitches putting people down so that they'll feel they have power & feed their ego. i dunno mang. i just hate that. im really into the golden rule: treat others the way you'd wanna be treated bullshit. cuz its so powerful. you cant be all punky & expect to be treat all good & everythang. what goes around comes around. but ya, girls are bitches. & i know im a girl. but we could be bitchy. but not me though or my friends or sisters. everyone else though. i say that cuz the only people here genuinely nice to me are the guys. ya, theyre not catty or have staring problems or dont shun me if i dont speak fob. they converse w/me in english, they carry on a conversation & are more pleasant to talk to. you know decent human behavior. wow i just looked at what i wrote & i poured my friggin heart out. i just needed to vent & reflect. i wanna remember this and think of how i got through it. & how i dont wanna be to like these people. & how im happy i did this. & how im getting used to bein independent. & how im ready to pass this test. & how im a stronger person now. & how i can do anything i put my mind to. & how much hard work i put into this week. & how i've been up before 7 every morning for almost 10 days? BUT most importantly how i thought i was goin to san francisco but somehow ended up in the philippines. hahaha. i have 2 more days. & i think they will be the sweetest :) i hope you enjoy my ponderings & ramblings about life. congratulations if you got this far then that means you werent a lazy ass & actually had the discipline to read this or its 2 weeks or more after & you were bored and had nothing else to read and you were saving this for when you were facebooked/twittered/youtubed out. ya i know wassup. but congrats though. if i saw this long ass blog on someone else's page i wouldve been see yaaaaa that shits too long, no pictures? damn ima have to read this now. i would only make the effort if it seemed super interesting or if it was a blog of a boy i liked. you know what i mean something exciting. but its my 8th installment you have to read. fuck im ramblin again. im done now. gn.

ps. im listening to my ipod right now & i was changin the song cuz i was in the mood to listening to a cute song, you know a feel good song & one of my faves came on, EVERLONG the acoustic version. the one i downloaded w/caps saying (BEST VERSION!!... ONLY GOOD ACOUSTIC ONE THERE IS) i feel good now.

pps. i left you some pictures cuz my blogs have been so naked lately.

the artistic interpretation of me:

day slevin

was the longest day of my life. yet ironically it was the one day we got off early. we had to start an hour earlier which meant we got off an hour earlier. it was so painful to get up an hour earlier because i sleep hella late here too cuz these fobs are so damn loud i cant concentrate and relax here. but im not here to relax. its all business. aniwais, it was so hard to stay awake today. my sleep deprivation is finally hittin me, like it punched me in the face. my eyelids felt so heavy. i was fighting so hard to stay awake but the idea of sleep was soooo sweet. i think im just exhausted; mentally & physically. my brain is fried. its been non-stop, i feel like there's no more space to fit anything in. like my head is as big as stewie's. & you how huge that kids head in proportion to his body. i dunno anymore today was so draining. if you feel tired from just reading this then take that & multiply that by 100 and youre maybe where im at. i cant even take a nap. aniwais, i tried to do some roommate bonding today. i know im so proud of myself. those bitches. haha. i decided to kill em with kindness & they were murdaaaaared. but the best part was that we were all watching tv & i always control the remote control cuz tv = tfc to them. so since i have the power, i put it on chappelle's show. hahaha. it was the only good thing on. & i was oh shit i wonder how they would react to this. i mean whenever i find something to watch im considerate and try to find something we would all want to watch. but ya, i put it on chappelle's show & waited to see how they would react. it was really only me and the other fob my age who is married. the other 2 oldies were on their phones. aniwais, i was waiting for laughter or a confused look. but i gots laughter!!!!! haha. i didnt know if she actually got it but she laughed. its not hard to get though, you either are cool & laugh or lame & don't. im not giving cool points but definitely some brownie points. im tired & miss el aye......

oh btw its AUGUST!!!!! yay!

day sixxx

its friiiiiiiiday. it's truthfully saturday morning but i post date these blogs w/the right date for each day. ya its my blog & i'll blog how the fuck i want to. wow. im so cranky right now. im like caffeine crashing & sleep deprived. its me against the fobs so i choose not to go back to the room until they are snoring away. i know they thinking im "gallvanting" & too AMERICAN or something. but earlier i extended an olive branch & brought back 2 sundaes from mickey D's when i had dinner all by lonesome. it was the best part of my day. they all wanted to eat greasy filipino food again. im like hello there is more to life than filipino food, variety? try it sometime. i swear its like fobs cant fxn w/o ulam & rice at every fucking meal. i mean intend to leave here the same weight i arrive with. & i like a variation of what greasy foods i consume. there i go shit talkin again. but i stayed in the room today all by myself for a good 2 hours. i was so fucking happy. like back flipping crazy cartwheeling happy. you dont even understand. but oh ok back to the olive branch. yes being the NICE person that i am, i brought them back sundae's from mcdo, cuz they were bitching & craving them last night. see how nice i am. gawwshhh. im amazing. oh the funniest side note, i was waiting for my "sundae's" @ mcdo & the mexiCAN dude who was baggin them putting my order together kept saying, "2 saturdaze, 2 sad-durrr-dazes, here are your sadddd-durrrr-daze" instead of saying sundae's. hahahaha. i was like why is he mumbling, it's friday then it clicked, oh shit did this thick mexican accented guy make a pun. a play on words? it was like seein a unicorn. it was so lil but fuckin brilliant, i mean i couldnt even make that up if i tried. touche mexican dude. oh & since this mcdo was by the airport there was some french tourist kinda clean cut baby faced guy from amelie type guy also eating at mcdo too & he busted out his camera taking pictures of the beverage dispenser. like not just one but a couple. i shoulda offered to take a cheesy pix of him posing by it or a "candid" of him getting a drink. i totally knew what he was thinking, "oh this is why americans are fatasses." i betcha he posted that picture up on his blog with that except same caption. damn only if i knew it....... well ya i brought them back their sundaes then bounced from the room cuz i hate spending time w/them @ especially this time of nite. they remind me of my tita's who i try to avoid @ family fxns because i kno they are like ticking time bombs running their mouthes off at any time and say very inappropriate things right in front of my face which is sooo directed to me but they have this skill where its still indirect. i cant fullly describe it but thats the best way i could put it. its like shit at least wait til my back is turned and talk about me behind my back. ok enough of that, i know youre still laughin about "2 sad-durrr-daze" story. my eyeballs are so dry it hurts to keep them open. ima go rip my eyes out, shower & hit the sack cuz tomorrow we start 1 hour earlier. FUCK MY LIFE. gn.

day V

was a day. fack. all i gots to say is that im thrilled that it's over so that im excited for the next day to come & be over with & then the next one after that and so on & so forth. it just amazes me how disrespectful & inconsiderate some people can be. & by some people i mean my roommates. i think i have been tolerant, patient, considerate, all the appropriate behavior a decent person can expect. but this tolerance can only go so far. i suppose they dont know any better coming from a "different" culture and all. but shit, disrespect & inconsideration comes in the form of how people will constantly speak another language in front of me knowing full well im not properly well versed in it. i could somewhat understand but i canNOT speak this language. the one thing i full well understand are insults in tagalog. i got those down pat. like i could totally understand when someone is talking shit about in tagalog, everytime, w/o fail. its just something i've grown up with and very used to. but ya, its fuckin rude number 1. & #2 they dont even stop to explain or bother to tell me what the hell they are talking about. i know i shouldn't even care about this, but its frustrating when i have to see these people 24/7, sharing my personal space with them. i'll probly get over this tonight & be ok in the morning & then over the course of the day this annoyance will get exacerbated or inflammed that much more. i have plenty of examples to share which the written word would not do justice. i would have to video tape it & show you the live version. or maybe do a story panel board. i really am tryin to focus but its a fuckin challenge. i thought the hardest part would be the studying. thats the part i look forward to the most, if you could actually believe that. ya i cant believe myself either. ok they are very nice people but since they dont know any better its hard to put all the blame on them for their behavior. i just cant believe im surrounded by this. it feels like its toxic to me. whatevaaaaaa. im right @ the halfway mark. i have to stick it out & kill this review. fuck these bitches. you were ok at first but now you just blow. i still hope they pass. but i'll be happy this is over that i will never have to relive anything like this again. its true that you never know somebody unless you've lived with them. watch in my later posts i'll be saying i love them & we're gonna be lifelong friends. ya fucking right. i got turn on my bitch switch now & fight fire w/fire. if theyre gonna be catty, 2 could play that game. they're really nice people though if i didnt have to live with them. (i needed to have redeeeming value). i know i sound like the biggest bitch but when push comes to shove its fucking on. i just have to think of the main reason im here & tune out these crazy bitches. phew i almost feel better. my long-ass venting sesh. now i have to go back to the room hopefully they all snoring. i hope tomorrow will be more tolerable. i cant wait to read this back & see how crazy i sound. ima go use one of the bitches straighteners rye now before i have to see her in the morning. dont worry i've already asker permission. see how nice and considerate i am? mannnnng. i never felt more american surrounded by all filipinos....gn.

day quatre

it's gettin harder. im tryin my best. gettin by with caffeine & crushes. i've had a lot of blogworthy things that happened today but im too tired to bother. sorry i know. but the quote of the day, "ohhh i like your face today! make-upssss." i said, "uh ok, thanx" [insert confused look now] i should have said, "thanks bitch, as opposed to what, yesterday?" what did that even mean....i'll take it as a compliment though. you know i had to give you guys something fun, i've been gettin too deep lately. aniwais im done. gn.

day tres

im tired & we havent hit the hard part yet. its like the past days, i've had a lil warm up, started to get a jogging pace & now im at the bottom of the mountain ready to go uphill. the incline starts tomorrow. bring it on bitches. ok sooooo oh ya the life lesson i learned today is one of tolerance. i always thought i was a tolerant person but that was because i've been spoiled by being in my comfort zone. but now that i went & did something on my own, it feels liberating and so new. yesss i am meeting new people which is always good but w/these new faces comes different personalities. catch my drift. its been good so far. i mean theres no drama or nothing but as my day went by i had a little revelation, like if i was in a sitcom there would be a huge thought bubble above my head w/my voice over saying, "wow, who am i surrounded with? i am such a tolerant person. is that my stomach oh man & im hungry." just like that.

btw.........i discovered my new best friend:


ya i know this shit keeps me awake! like normally after a good hour or so it would wear off. but this keeps me up when my head would be bobbing down fighting to stay awake, mouth open and everything. it gave me caffeine high like tingly and feeling hyped. i was so wiredddd. i half the can, one half for my morning session & the other half in the afternoon. i prefer the mocha. i follow this up w/more coffee. we shall see what day 4 brings me. i have a feeling its gon be a bitch. bitchassness. haha. oh man im done. nitey nite.

day deux

is still goin. but im takin a break to blog. & chattin wit leon. ok so today was intense. oohemgeeee it was. like the one good decent pen i brought is almost outta ink & it was a fairly new pen that would normally take forever to run outta ink. that intense though. but i feel productive. :) aniwais, i need to make this short & sweet. but today i learned a huge lesson in humility. gawd damn. ok so i felt like i watching a FOREIGN movie w/o any subtitles & you know you cant understand jack shit w/o the subtitles. yaaaa thats how i felt today. i had to do a lot of head nodding & fake laughter. awkwardddd. but it was such a humbling experience. one that i will ready for the next it is bound to happen. oh man. im slowly getting closer to that finish line. cant see it yet but i know its there. wish me luck. i better get back before they think i dropped off the face of the earth. gn.

day 1

is over. & im happy. a couple more to go.

ok so im gonna be nerdy & channel NPH or doogie howser MD every nite & write about my day. ya i know youre excited bout that one. day 1 was good. i feel so accomplished already that im up here & doin my own thing. im like a grown up. although i wish this trip was more pleasure than biznatch, oddly enough im being very receptive to all this new knowledge. im learnin a lot. i feel like i've been having my blinders on for so long. like i've been wearing a really smudgy, oily, blurry pair of glasses for so long & now im getting a crystal clear view of things. like i know what i was doing wrong & now i have the tools and know how to fix it & truly succeed. im tryin to absorb everythang like a sponge. it makes someone very hopeful. to give you a feelin of how it is up here, the weather here is so bipolar. the sun would be shining so bright but the air is ice cold & windy as hell. i swear i went outside to get some air, it was hella windy & freezing by the time i went back in my fingers were frozen. no joke. also im so thankful that one of my roommates has a car. thanx GOD. but there's no time to fuck around. im pumped mang. this bitch is gettin my hopes up. i need to keep ridin that wave.....oh ya so this is where i tell you the life lesson i've learned today. first of all, the feeling of accomplishment is soooo priceless. fo realz. you cant buy that feelin if you tried. you have to earn that shit. & the payoff is one billionth fold. for those lucky people who are accomplished that's the best feelin in the world. for instance, i will feel soooooooo good, ecstatic, over-joyed, like sun beams comin outta my ass happy when i become a registered nurse in august. because i worked my ass off with a lot of determination & perseverance. & life lesson numba 2: asking "what if?" will kill you. now this can relate to everything in your life. ya know what i mean? once you ask "what if?" you are in doubt. you start to question what you already know & make things complicated when you should just stick to your gut. "'WHAT IF' will kill you!" oh & life lesson numba 3: use common sense. time to go study my ass off. this chair is so comfy btw. i could live here. good nite. til tom.

oh & just in case you forgot:

hahahahaha. i had to.

frisco focused fucked

im in frisco bitches. & its cold as a mutha up in here. my blogs will be HELLA boring because my damn laptop is being pissy & not connecting like it should. blah! so im here freezing my ass off in the hotel's computer room. aniwais, ima try to chronicle this lil trip for myself & those of you who care. the flight was like a blink of an eye. (rose you were right! but no blue chips though, damnnnn) im right next to the airport which is good. but there aint jack shit around here which blows. i decided to go explore my surroundings sans car, so i walked down the street & up the street & there wasnt shit. only to find a mickey D's & iHop. grrreat. my roommates are nice. tomorrow is day one. its on mang. i'll let you know how it goes. im so sleep deprived it hurts. goodnite.

leavin on a jetplane

i dont know when i'll be back again

that aint true, i know exactly when i'll be bawk. soon enough. but yessss, i am leavin on a jetblue plane. today. later on today. lets see, a lil bit of procrastination and birfday obligaciones still leave me to finish up packing. packing is a bitch especially because i tend to over pack. & this is a 2-week thang. not just a weekend get-a-way like im used to. im such a baby. i havent been anywhere on my own ever. let alone for 2 weeks. tryin not to sound too corny, i think some much deserved soul searching is in store for me on this trip. BUT ya im kinda excited. i dont wanna get too excited because this trip is way more business than pleasure. trust me. suffice it to say this trip was kinda chosen for me. i think it was always lurking around & found me. the outcome of this trip will somehow make a major impact on my future. deep shit huh? its the truth. im ready. im down. im there to conquer. i need to finish packing. i have a feeling i will not sleep because the sun is rising how we speak. its purdy if you wanted to know. for my stalkers, my destination = frisco. thats san francisco for the slang challenged. i will try to blog up there to let you all know wassup & give you a lil taste of my journey. ta ta for now. "meet me in mooooooontauk....."

blue jean baby, el aye lady...

a really good rendition:






i could listen to this over & over again. oooh dave.

random thought

random thoughts for july 23rd, 2009:

im in a mood. i think too much sometimes. but right now, im content, kinda blissful although at the same time im feeling "RUTHless at the moment." i feel like watchin esotsm. again. for the 100th time.









good morning or in my case goodnite.

view from the top

thats me @ runyon canyon sitting on a bench with my doggie. sike! ya, if i was a white girl & life was sowezee. this was the perfect pix from google so i stole it. aniwais, we set out on a mission to hike runyon & we came, we saw & we conquered. it feels so good after like you dont even know: your endorphins are kicking, you feel so accomplished after all that heavy panting making it to the top, all that sweat was worth it. but the best part was the view. i just loooooved it. it was bootiful & breathtaking, on the real. i gots some damn mosquito bites but its no biggie. dear runyon, i have a feeling i will seeing you over & over again. good times with good people.

something more picturesque

took my breath aaaaawayyyyy...

belalabelaaaaa

isa my love:

happy fuckin 21st birfday!!!!

cuz you the fuckin best, you the fuckin best, best i ever had, best i ever had. hahahaha. one of our many songssss. but its your 21st girl, time to live it up no matter what. it'll be all good, trust. love that we share the same love for hookahs, workouts, paintings, lakers, iced coffees...all of thee above. i kno you always my down girl. hope you have the best one today & always. kno im here for ya anytime too. i will be ready & beautified on friday to laugh my ass off like we always do. happy birfday again! enjoy your 21st, i mean it cuz it wont happen again. trust me :) looooove you foreva eva.